


goonies never say die

by celaenos



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, I apologize in advance, Prompt Fic, Swan Queen Week, Tropes, this is so silly, trapped together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-18
Updated: 2015-07-18
Packaged: 2018-04-09 23:55:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4369238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celaenos/pseuds/celaenos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of course when Regina and Emma go poking around in a magical cave they get stuck down there. Emma thinks that filling the time explaining movie plots is a good use of one's time. Regina disagrees.</p>
            </blockquote>





	goonies never say die

**Author's Note:**

> set some vague time after Regina has saved Emma from being the dark one. but not in canon with my other one shot where she does so with true loves kiss. assume that it was with something as embarrassing and obvious of their love though. happy last day of swan queen week y'all!!!

Emma won't stop blathering on about a children's movie.

Regina tries _yet again_ to use her magic to teleport herself out of the cave to no avail. She should know better. Nothing had happened the first eight times she tried either. Emma seems to have taken their predicament in stride, or, at least is pretending to do so. While Regina perches as delicately as she can on the largest and cleanest looking rock she could find, Emma lounges around on the cave's floor. Drawing little pictures in the dirt with her fingers.

“So, then they send Chunk to go call the cops, because he's too big to fit through the cave tunnel—” Emma explains. Regina rolls her eyes and tries her damnedest to conjure a fireball.

Nothing.

“This cave is protected somehow,” she says in annoyance. “None of my magic is working. You try again.”

Emma looks up at her with equal parts amusement and pity. Regina wants to incinerate her. “Regina, I already tried. So did you. Like a million times,” she rolls her eyes. “Henry knows where we were going to look, he'll tell people that we're missing eventually. Calm down.”

“I am calm!” Regina yells. Not calmly at all. Emma raises an eyebrow at her. Regina picks up a small pebble and throws it at Emma's stomach.

“Yeah,” Emma says sarcastically, “you seem super relaxed.”

“When we get out of here, I'm going to kill you.”

“Can't wait,” Emma says. She is silent for a beat, then, “So, while Chunk goes to call the cops, the rest of the kids go looking for One-Eyed Willy's treasure.”

Regina groans into her hands.

…

…

“Did you hear something?” Emma asks, pausing her—far too detailed—explanation of the movie's plot.

Regina listens for a moment. “No.”

“Are you sure? Because—”

“Frightened Miss Swan?” Regina asks, a little sadistically. “The former Dark One?” she tisks. To her credit, she has been listening as patiently as one possibly could to a story about a bunch of idiots looking for pirates treasure in a dank cave. While stuck in a dank cave herself. Magicless. She only has so much patience.

“Well, we _did_ come down here to investigate people straight up disappearing. And none of our magic's working. So... I think a little fear is valid.”

She makes a good point. Regina doesn't tell her so.

“I didn't hear anything.”

Emma nods, looking back and forth again in the dimly light cave. “Right... so... where was I?”

Regina sighs. “Mikey was convincing his friends to walk to their untimely deaths. Asking them to go further through a booby-trapped cavern, in an ill-fated attempt to find hundreds of years old treasure, and save their homes from being foreclosed. Instead of climbing out of the wishing well like a sane person would choose,” she rattles off in a huff. Emma's eyes widen.

“You were listening,” she says in surprise.

“What else have I got to do?” Regina snaps.

“If you hate it, I can stop.” Emma says quietly.

Regina stills. She has no idea how long they are going to be stuck down here. Emma has been talking non-stop from the moment the entrance caved in behind them. Her chatter has a nervous lilt to it. Falling out of her mouth much too fast. Her words occasionally jumbling together. And she won't look at Regina for more than a few seconds at a time. She keeps glancing all around them, as if someone—or something—will attack them at any moment. She might be claustrophobic. Or at least, far more uncomfortable than she is letting on.

Ever since Regina saved her from The Dark One's curse, Emma has been constantly on edge. Uncomfortable with how she acted, and the things she did in the span of weeks Regina spent trying to save her. This is the first time she has been willing to spend more than a few moments with Regina alone.

And now they are trapped in a cave.

Just perfect.

“What kind of name is One-Eyed Willy?” she asks. “Or Mouth, or Chunk, or Data for that matter? Who named these children?”

Emma grins, looking relieved. Regina does _not_ smile back at her. “They're nicknames Regina.”

“They're idiotic.”

“One-Eyed Willy is a pirate name.”

“Pirates are idiotic,” Regina snaps.

Emma's grin widens. “Yeah,” she agrees. “Usually. Some of 'em are cool though. You ever heard of Anne Bonny or Mary Read?”

“No.”

“Really!?” Emma looks horrified at the notion. “They were the most famous female pirates like ever! I went as Anne Bonny three times for Halloween when I was a kid.”

Regina rolls her eyes. “Of course you did. Clearly, you have a thing for pirates.” She does _not_ sound bitter or jealous.

“Girl ones I guess,” Emma says with a shrug, tracing another unidentifiable picture in the dirt. Regina refrains from commenting on _that_. According to Henry, Emma has been avoiding Hook as much as she has been avoiding everyone else. Perhaps more so. Regina finds that she gets a little thrill out of that knowledge. She has been deftly ignoring it and the implications behind it.

Regina pulls her jacket closer around her, it's beginning to grow chilly. “So, what happened to these... goonies next?”

Emma looks up at her and beams. “Okay, so—”

…

…

“I _definitely_ heard something this time.”

Regina sits up straighter. “So did I.”

Emma is on her feet in a matter of seconds. A terrible, hissing and slithering noise echoes all around them. Filling the cave ominously. “Snakes!” Emma yelps, and climbs up on the rock behind Regina. “I _hate_ snakes.”

“I'm not overly fond of them either dear,” Regina says through gritted teeth.

“I thought this cave would be full of goblins. We thought it was _goblins_. Not man-eating snakes!”

Regina has never seen Emma this hysterical before. It's a little amusing.

It becomes _much_ less amusing when the 'snake' in question makes its way into the small cave. Seemingly slithering its way straight _through_ _the walls_. Emma screams. Regina is very close to letting one out herself. They both stand up on the rock, Emma clinging tightly to Regina's jacket. “Oh my _fucking god_ ,” Emma whines. “What _is_ that?”

Regina swallows. “I think it's a Grootslang,” she backs up into Emma. Pressing them both back into the cave's wall. As far away from the thing in front of them as they can manage.

“Groot!?” Emma whispers, far too loudly. “He's supposed to be a nice tree thing!”

“Not from those stupid movies you and Henry watch!” Regina says. “ _A Grootslang_. It's a legendary creature largely found in Africa. It has the head of an elephant and the body of a snake,” she says, pointing out the obvious now that they can see it. “Supposedly, it was far too deadly to be allowed to live, but it outsmarted every god that tried to kill it.” Regina frowns at the thing, posturing in front of them. “I was under the impression it was nothing more than myth.”

“It seems pretty frickin real to me!” Emma grips Regina tighter as it rotates its head around. Horrible large tusks snapping out at them. Emma has given up the pretense of holding onto Regina's jacket and is clinging to her arm with both hands. Pressing her body as tightly against Regina's as she can manage. “I love elephants,” she whines into Regina's shoulder. “This is horrible.”

“I refuse to die in a cave.” Regina snaps, more at the creature in front of them than at Emma. “This is not happening.”

“I'm pretty sure it is. We're definitely gonna die.”

“No, we are not. Let go of me and grab a large rock,” Regina orders. Emma lets out another whine, but does as she's told. The grootslang hisses at them, its large forked tongue snapping out between its tusks. It is truly revolting. Regina absolutely is _not_ going to be eaten alive by it. She would rather be killed by Snow White at her most incompetent.

Given a vague sense of a plan, Emma stops whimpering and squares her shoulders. Glaring at the grootslang determinedly. Regina smiles. That's the Emma Swan she needs.

“On the count of three,” she whispers. “We'll need to aim perfectly. We're probably not going to get much of a second or third chance.”

Emma nods, four more large rocks resting down at her feet. “I'll go first, you follow?”

“Alright.”

The grootslang seems to have been waiting them out. Regina could swear it was _smiling_ at them. She _hates_ not having access to her magic. If this infernal thing is the reason it's blocked, she is well and truly going to somehow manage to kill it with her bare hands. Even if it takes her down with it.

Emma sucks in a breath, nods to Regina, and chucks her rock at the thing's head. It dodges the rock with ease. Regina throws her own, missing as it dodges yet again. Emma and Regina both pick up more rocks, throwing them one after another in quick succession. Praying at least one of them connect. The grootslang dodges each one with practiced ease. They run out of rocks, and Regina swears under her breath as the grootslang advances slowly. Almost teasingly.

“Let's try magic again,” Emma says, panicked.

“Emma, we've been trying since we got in the cave. It doesn't work down here,” she spits in frustration.

“But we've been trying separately!” Emma says with growing excitement. She grabs at Regina's hand. “It always works better when we do it together.”

“Emma...”

“It _does_. Now is _not_ the time to dwell on it, let's just try not to die okay?” Her eyes are pleading.

Regina sucks in a breath and grabs hold of Emma's other hand as well, nodding. “Fine.”

They stand there, up on a rock, in a dimly lit, dank, and foul smelling cave. The grootslang slowly advances on them, but they pay it no mind. Regina stares into Emma's eyes, holding both Emma's hands in her own. Something flickers in them, and her gaze drops down to Regina's lips momentarily. Regina has caught her doing as such quite a few times since she broke The Dark One's curse. She has done her best to ignore it. And neither of them ever talk about it. And now, they might die.

“Emma—” Regina starts. She is cut off by Emma lurching forward and pressing her lips onto Regina's. Regina is so startled, she nearly falls backwards off the rock. A bright pink light fills the air, and Regina feels her magic returning to her body. Humming underneath her skin again. She pushes Emma back and blasts the grootslang to smithereens just as it reaches them.

Its guts explode in the small cavern, and Regina screams in horror as she is covered with them. Emma makes a disgusted noise from her side.

“Oh, _nasty_ ,” she complains, pulling something that Regina doesn't want to look at out of her hair.

The cave's entrance shudders, and rocks tumble down onto the dirt. Regina lifts up her arms, moving in front of Emma and ready to blast whatever is that's about to come at them. They hear coughing, and then Snow White's insipid face appears as the dust begins to settle. Regina doesn't lower her arms until she has rolled her eyes.

“Hi,” Snow says. “There you are. David!” she calls out behind her, “they're here!”

“Hi Mom,” Emma says, jumping down off the rock and grimacing at the squelching noise beneath her.

“As always, your timing is impeccable,” Regina says dryly, holding her arm out and waiting for Emma to help her down. She isn't going to do something as idiotic as leap to the ground in high heels. “We've been down here for hours, and we were nearly eaten alive moments ago. What a fat load of help you were.”

Emma helps her to the ground and frowns at her. Regina ignores it and attempts to smooth down her hair.

“We didn't know where you—” Snow starts. Regina levels her with a look and she stops speaking immediately. “Are you both alright?” she asks instead. “What...” she looks around the cave walls and grimaces. “What was that?”

“An elephant snake,” Emma moans. “It was _terrible._ I'm gonna have nightmares for a week.”

Regina picks a bit of snakeskin out of her hair and flicks it out. Snow jumps away from it and glares at her. Regina shrugs innocently. “I need a shower,” she announces. “Is Henry here?”

“Up outside. He was worried when you two didn't come back.”

“Well, he needn't have,” she smoothes down her trousers. “Goonies never say die,” she sing-songs softly, passing Emma. Before she can second guess herself, or enjoy Snow's look of confusion, she reaches out and squeezes Emma's arm once. Emma's entire face lights up, and she beams at Regina. Gives her a toothy grin, looking adorable, snake guts and all. Regina suppresses a smile of her own and walks out of the cave, Emma right behind her. 

 


End file.
